The Toxic 'Man Up' Culture Forces Countless Men to Suffer in Silence

‘Look around you... This is a trading floor. We're mostly blokes. Tough and confident. Stress? We eat it for breakfast! Real men don't do crisis of confidence, fear of failure or any of this mumbo jumbo. No offence ('none taken but you don't have a clue' is what I was thinking). When sh… happens, we don't whine. We man up and deal with it.' 

The senior banker who said this to me about 12 years ago was explaining why in his opinion, I would never have male clients and certainly not from the Finance Industry. Well, well... Most of my clients are from the Finance industry and half of them are men struggling with stress, self-doubt, and fear of failure.

And yes, they are real men, not aliens. Real human beings, who often feel overwhelmed, isolated, embarrassed, and even ashamed when they find it so difficult to cope.... as if this was their fault.

The banker who spoke to me was not the typical corporate narcissist that we sadly often see in organisations. He was working very long hours but still found time to help and support youths in initiatives the bank was involved with, and outside work. He was incredibly supportive, giving time and advice, sharing contacts, and doing anything he could to make a difference. What he was saying this day was just what he'd heard from his father, his grandfather, in the army and from his first business mentors and bosses.

Crisis of confidence, and fear of failing are everything but mumbo jumbo. They are very real, very common issues that can be incredibly tough to manage for anyone. Too many individuals especially men struggle in silence because of a deep fear of being judged, being seen as 'weak', and as a result seeing their reputation, status and career development prospects being slashed.

With more famous people opening up on anxiety and various struggles, hopefully more men (and women) will realise that everyone has the basic human right to feel overwhelmed, to have self-doubts and confidence crisis, without feeling inadequate or weak, and without struggling in silence and isolation.